A glimpse into the past three years.

Sitting alone in a hospital hallway in 2023 on the ground with no tears left in you to cry because it’s been days since your mom has said anything or knew who she was and the hospital chairs have began to feel like 8th period on a friday. Nothing is comfortable, nothing is right. She doesn’t know who she is, where she is or what’s going and it’s been four days with no answers.

No one listens to us.

We beg for help.

Finally an answer.

“Your mom most likely won’t make it through the weekend, if she has advance directives, you should bring them in.”

And you’re still empty.

And you ask them to repeat it back to you, and they repeat it, and all you can say is “ok”

And you sit back down on the hospital floor.

And the first thing you think of is your sister.

The second thing you think of, her sisters.

How do I tell my sister her mom might not make it through the weekend? How do I tell her OUR mom? How do I tell her sisters, girls she grew up with and counted on and care for her?

I break my sister’s heart.

The following day, I break three more at my dining room table on that rainy saturday, telling them the possible outcome of the weekend.

My sister sits alone outside a hospital room on the hallway floor two weeks later with no tears left in her to cry while the crash team floods my mom’s hospital room and Narcans her, twice. It’s been days since our mom has said anything or knew who she was and the hospital chairs have began to feel like 8th period on a friday. Nothing is comfortable, nothing is right. She doesn’t know who she is, where she is or what’s going and it’s been days again with no answers.

No one listens to us.

We beg for help.

Finally an answer.

“We’ve overdosed your mom”

And you’re still empty.

And you ask them to repeat it back to you, and they repeat it, and all you can say is “ok”

And you sit back down on the hospital floor.

And the first thing you think of is your sister.

The next thing you think of is how you move forward saving your mom’s life because nothing matters from that point on.

Don’t ever think alex and I will ever be quiet when it comes to doing ANYTHING to help our mom get to the healthiest she can be….

And don’t ever come the fuck in my house and yell in my face and tell me “SHE ALMOST DIED.”

You think we don’t fucking know?

Fuck you.

xoxo

alex and nellie