I always hesitate delivering bad news to good people. I remember some of my first moments of receiving bad news and I also have been the designated “bad news giver” for years. That job comes with a few small tasks. These tasks include having to find a way to soften the blow and always make sure the person you’re telling the bad news to is in an ok mental state and one thing I make sure I always do.. I sure as hell never delay.

Some of the most angry times in our lives have been when people have waited to tell us things because they “thought it would be better to hear at a different time.” That’s an excuse, that’s their own way of dealing with what’s going on. The best way to get the bad news delivered is getting directly to the point and figuring out “What is next?”

This all being said, Mom received her first bad bloodwork late Thursday night and I had to be the bearer of the shittest news yet to her.

We traveled into the city for our thursday visit, got home, the rest of the day went as planned until my phone rang late that night from her coordinator letting us know that her liver numbers were not good. She asked us to go right to Morristown in the morning when we woke up for labs to see what the liver numbers were trending towards since that was our first ever “bad blood.”

Friday morning mom went to Motown and had her routine labwork done, two hours later we got the call that mom needs to come into the city for a doppler scan. Ryan, our perfect angel, brought Mom into the city and they got the doppler, waited for the transplant surgeons to review the imaging and got the all clear that all the vessels connected to her new liver were working fine. So that was good but sad news.

Her blood was run for infection, disease, and many other things, but after speaking with her coordinator again, the only thing currently left on the table we need to rule out is rejection.

Rejection: absolutely fucking terrifying to even say out loud.

We have had our cry and spent our moments talking about it by ourselves and spent a lot of time alone with each other this weekend.

Tuesday mom goes for a liver biopsy. We don’t know the time and they may even move it up, they are putting her in as soon as the surgeon is available for this minor outpatient procedure that has major results.

I think the hardest part for Mom lately has been the things she continuously misses out on. Plans to go to a small family bridal shower she had to miss because of this. Now possibly missing parts of a wedding for someone who has gone above and beyond to make this transplant as comfortable as possible for mom by answering any question she might have ever had.. afterall, she did already live through a transplant herself.

I know I constantly come back to this topic but none of us can truly relate unless we’ve pretty much been on lockdown for three years with the world literally happening 10 feet in front of you and you just get to watch. You go from being someone who was never home to someone who HAS to be home all the time because of how sick you have been and now you have to continue to be until you’re done healing.

Everyday for mom since March of 2023.

Life is weird and we’re still on the rollercoaster. Unfortunately this week’s feels like one of this ones you find in the woods in PA that someone’s dad made because they were bored. You know, where you feel every seam and bump in your spine and ribcage. Like the old boardwalk Mouse Trap.

We’ll get through this, we always do, but we do need a break.

xoxo

nell