Don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy? I feel like everyday there’s a new song that just fits with life currently. We listen to a lot of music because we spend A LOT of time in the car together. Mom, Al, and I have all bonded over our love of similar artists over the years, simply by enjoying live music. Three years ago, I sat in the car at the pickup spot, waiting for mom to be discharged from Motown, waiting in my bronco (the 1st one..) and just trying to lock in. “Mom is coming home after 30 days stuck in here, listen to some good music, don’t be crazy optimistic and be prepped for the worst, but we’re ok, she’s ready to come home”…

Tell me why I turn onto 287 and Cody Johnson’s “‘Til You Can’t” comes on. I’m driving, I’m fine, we’re OUT, I’m cool. Mom fell asleep on the two mile car ride to our highway exit that day and I’ll never forget when I realized what song was on.

My ears tuned in when CoJo got to the part in the song when he says, “So take that phone call from your momma; and just talk away. ‘Cause you’ll never know how bad you wanna; ’til you can’t someday. Don’t wait on tomorrow ’cause tomorrow may not show. Say your sorrys, I love yous, ’cause man you never know”

I literally started silently silently sobbing. This has and always will be us. Songs that relate to real life, moments we share between us that mean the world to us.

This time around feels like every direction we turn has a fortune cookie or something leading to all roads good, It finally feels like we are on the right path. Our optimism is starting to peak through over the gray mountains and overcast.

Mom has two follow ups this week and we are crossing our fingers all goes well. Currently the meds are messing with her blood pressure but that’s the only side effect of the meds so far.

I know in the past post I had mentioned ankle pain. Last January, Mom fell on ice and broke her ankle. First broken bone right at the crisp age of 59.5, rough. PT for months, bone stimulator after PT and we are over a year out of a break, with a full “healed” ankle via xray and if you blow on mom’s ankle she screams in pain. (I even tried touching it in her sleep and she almost donkey kicked me in the face)

So, on top of general incision pain, the ankle is rocking her pain world. BUTTTTT, that’s not only it. We are currently also dealing with a crazy issue that we have no idea what’s going on with, in her wrist. We have a doppler (ultrasound) scheduled for thursday to determine if it’s something we need to do something about or if it’s something that will resolve itself. It is in the same arm that arterial IV was in so that opens an entire door of fun questions like pseudoaneurysms and other miscellaneous supercalifragilisticexpialidocious-es.

Our goal this week is to get all of these things under control. We have managed the surgical pain and been able to control that but we need to get a handle on the small things to be able to move forward.

Hoping our two visits to NYC this week shed some light on what is going on. Three weeks post-op tomorrow and besides those two minor speedbumps, mom is continuing to kickass with her recovery. Every day is moving towards new but “old?” mom? Does that make sense? I know I have filled everyone in a little bit about the things that effect you when you have liver disease or cirrhosis but living it day to day is very different.

I can’t imagine the confusion or frustration mom feels when she knows something but can’t find the right words or her brain can’t come up with the connection fast enough. Watching her physically get uncomfortable trying to mentally pick her brain for a date or a phone number or something she had to remember is horrible to watch so I can’t imagine what it feels like to her.

Now that her new liver has kicked in, the encephalopathy has gone away. All signs are pointing back to her being mom.

This morning while we were apart, we spent 45 minutes on the phone together. I sat on my deck at 8am while the dogs wandered the yard and she sat hanging out at home, bright eyed and chipper, yapping away. It was the first time we engaged in true conversation in years.

We talked about stupid shit too. We talked about all the trees the previous owners planted in the yard and how much we love them. We gossiped, of course. We also had a bunch of moments of thankfullness. From silent moments to actual I love yous and Thank yous. My true answer to mom always and forever will be, “stop fucking thanking us, what the fuck???”

We would do it again in a heartbeat if it brings you back to us every time.

Welcome home momma.

xoxo

nell