Kind of insane how fast a week flies by. I’ve noticed if I drive, it’s almost secondhand nature going there, I’m focused and ready to just.get.there. I tune everything out on the way into the city.

My mind is like a total blank slate except for the 10 questions I have for the doctors and me thinking of all of my mom’s past medical history, any interaction with doctors we have ever had and any research of my own I’ve done to be able to understand the solution they’re presenting for any problems that happen. And while I’m digging through the files in my head somewhere trying to recall everything we’ve ever talked about another tune is playing in the back of my head:

Ok nell—80 to GWB to amsterdam ave exit, ok don’t forget to bare left, that throws you on the FDR to HRD, don’t forget to stay out of the left lane because of the school bus sized pot hole, once you pass the first bridge you can hit the left lane again, ok don’t take the exit it tells you because park ave has been closed for two years, take one further downtown, jump off the exit and take your first right but DONT GET STUCK IN TRAFFIC IN THE MIDDLE OF AN INTERSECTION-You will get a ticket, drive straight, bang a left under the bridge, make a right when you see the parking garage— nailed it.

You guys are thinking wow, that’s a blank slate? Yeah, that’s awesome!!! Usually I have like grocery lists and chores and christmas ideas and songs from the 2000s lyrics playing in my head while listening to cars smashing potholes and a flat tire wheel continuously hitting pavement, a whistle of an antenna, and getting weirded out by the smell of the bad CAT on the car in front of me and the lovely smells of NYC in the warm weather.

But when I drive— boop, gone.

This is every single time. It has been like this since we started seeing Dr.Kim at RMTI at Mt.Sinai. Silent rides in, focused, ready for the day and ready to do whatever we can to make sure this path to finding a liver, getting a transplant, and now recovery continue to go as best as possible.

Those silent car rides in and all the group/team meetings we have all had, all the questions answered, using collective history like puzzle pieces; have brought us to where we are today.

We are one week out of surgery and Mom is doing so well. This new liver is really showing her how life is supposed to be. Although this process will be extremely long, emotional, and physically demanding, she’s showing everyday how tough she is.

Today she had one of the two drains removed from her side and was moved to a regular room on the transplant floor from the step down unit, which is a huge step! Besides a constant headache all day and normal surgical pain, Mom has also been exhausted all day from her 273738463782 mile walk around the whole floor with her tech yesterday. She continues to push it but is often reminded to take it easy on herself, do not do more than she can, and that all the feels is feeling are totally normal and ok to feel.

I think the realness of it all is starting to kick in. It comes in waves and each day will be a new set of them. We always assure her though that we are all here, we always will be. And she said a good one back tonight after I said it to her…

“We’ll get through it, we always do.”

xoxo

nell